Myself

There is so much irony in life it's, at times, unbelievable. So far everyone I have been with has had a problem with someone drinking. Be it a father who over drinks, a mother, a friend, or someone they knew in there past that has done that and has caused the person I am with to have a problem with drinking. I understand people having an issue with others that take it to an extreme and become, without a better way of stating it, an ass.

However, my issue arises when that person with the issue then, without taking into consideration, another person being able to "handle" thier liqour/alcohol intake and not become one of the aforementioned people.

I am not, nor have I ever or will be an alcoholic. I despise the lack of control and overall ineptitude of the said discrection.

That being said, I loathe even more, being treated as an alocholic despite showing none of the same actions, nor the lack of control as the people mentioned before. I can have drinks of beer or liqour and still know my limit. I can still function as if I am sober, and not endanger myself or others while drinking. So with that being said, I abhor being treated as something other then what I am being.

People may have problems with others drinking, but I am not them. I do not need to be treated like I AM THEM.

This is just some bullshit ramblings I am needing to get off my chest in the most non-abrasive way that I can forsee.

I hate this. I really do. This has always been a thing in my life. The most ironic thing about all of this is the fact I AM NOT A DRINKER. I DO NOT DRINK THAT OFTEN. Yet when I do I get do deal with the bullshit of others mishaps and the overall look and attitudes of people who have dealt with alocoholics and being treated like I am one.

Just fucking UGH. Don't get me wrong. I love the woman I am with. She is the best. She's the most loving, wonderful, kind hearted, will brighten up the entire room kind of woman.

It just hurts. I am not that type of person to lose control and let alcohol affect me. So I wanted to have a couple of jack and cokes. I'm at home, writing this, and not out on the road drinking or driving. I'm not out at the bar hitting on other females. I'm not sloppy, the fucking walls are being bullies type of drunk.. so why am I being looked at and viewed as if I am that type of person JUST BECAUSE PAST PEOPLE HAVE BEEN.

This I will never understand.

ambientdecay.com

Well it's official, ambientdecay.com is off the market; because it's MINE.

However, I ran before crawling. I've no idea what to make it into. At first it would take the place of this, but I don't feel like it would give the brand justice. At the same time, I've no inkling of what to make my precious moniker about. 

• Is it a brand that delves into the ever changing realm of "what is goth" and the fashion or culture?

• Is it devoted to the yesteryear of goth?

• Does it have anything to do with my preferred subculture in the least?

• Is it the darker aspect of life: furniture, life, self help, music?

• Is it devoted to alternative means of burial?

• Perhaps it's about how ones mindset can be dark but used for light, if you will.

• Does it encompass all of the above?

No clue...

Perhaps a gleaning of the meaning of what Ambient Decay means would help.

Ambient: it is the multiple definitions of the word. Yet holds the most value of - "pertaining to or noting close and constant social contact and communication fostered by the Internet or the use of digital devices."

Decay: decline in or loss of strength, health, intellect, etc.

This has always been the meaning of it. The beauty in the inevitable decay of life. How one thinks and reacts. How like can branch off into a multitude of avenues and how one continues through and rises. The dark, often looked down/unaccepted view of life

Too Old

Martial Arts has always held a spot in my core that I love. Unfortunately I haven't through my adult years been able to continue it. I would love too. However, I fear,  that I maybe to old [34 ISN'T  technically old] but I feel that physically I maybe too aged to get to where I wish to be. 

Then again, like most of life, it could all be in my head. 

 - Decay

Well Well Well

Trying out the Live writer app…

Update!

I've almost said FUCK THIS, upon trying to research a new venture on getting a domain name and host a WP site using my ever loveable name Ambient Decay. All the while using an annoyingly slow Netbook by Packard Bell!!

But that isn't what my self indulgent posting is about...

Wait, it’s what year?!

Well, it has been a long time since I have even tried writing or visited this little minuscule world of Sapiens Epiphany.

Not sure if I am going to revive this or not. I guess this is just my hidden in plain sight, way to vent. As if my words are the equivalent of a ghost… they are here, yet invisible to seemingly everyone.

Updates. Yada Yada.

Well.. I will TRY to post on this blog daily or just ‘weekly’ at first.. you know, baby steps and all of that.

Boredom ATTACKS

Alright... I have no reason what-so-ever to post this nifty little blog on myspace, but I figured why not since, boredom, has yet again ravished me today.